Hidden Beauty

Poem about the effect cultural messaging about beauty has on women

Hidden Beauty

She hides her beauty, out of sight,
covered by creams and lotions,
potions of obscuranta, eyes peering
with side glances: Do you see me?
She wants to be seen, yet still hides,
deep-down knowing that if she is known,
the edifice crumbles, tumbles into the
Unknown.
Mostly she hides from herself, looking
in the mirror just enough to
apply her mask,
like peeking through her fingers
at the gory parts in a horror film.
Such a big imagination,
but limiting. Thin stories are convenient
to tell but not very comforting.
Knowing
and being known
takes deep-down-digging-under-the-skin-deep
Soul Work. Courage–transforming the mind,
the Body follows. But the Body holds the key
(so tightly), eyes windows to the Soul.
To mole or not to mole?
Fashions change, faces change, bodies change.
Praise the God who sees me.

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There is no dearth of research on the negative effects of social media on girls and young women.¹ I raise my hand on behalf of my baby boomer sisters to say that the clamoring for attention and makeup money diverts us, too. I wrote a post about the decision regarding coloring my hair, and I daily notice my own mirrored imperfections as I apply magical creams to stave off the appearance of aging as. long. as. possible. without overdoing it and not acting my age. Teeter-totter.

What is it we are looking for? Dan Siegel says the foundations of secure attachment require a person to be seen, safe, soothed, and secure.² To be seen is the first ‘S’ and yet people hide their true selves, whether behind the uniforms of the day (aka, “fashion”) or with masking behaviors that keep people out and keep people locked into loneliness and a vicious cycle of self-doubt. Why push away the very thing we long for?

Vulnerability is scary. We can barely look at ourselves honestly…unless we have no choice.

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Photo by Mohamed Nohassi on Unsplash

Hagar³ was enslaved, objectified by her “mistress,” Sarai, who was given a promise of a son in her old age, but growing impatient Sarai decided to help God out by concocting a plan to give Hagar as a present to her husband, Abram. Sarai thought she could get a baby by using Hagar’s body as the incubator after Hagar had the “privilege” of being Abram’s sex toy.⁴ Nobody asked Hagar. She was just a nobody. She got pregnant, but it backfired on Sarai when Hagar began to “despise her” (how would you feel in this situation…grateful?), and Sarah abused the poor girl. It must have been pretty bad, because Hagar fled to the wilderness, rather facing death than the persecution of a bitter woman who treated her like trash.

In the wilderness, pregnant Hagar was lost, perhaps ready to give up and die. But God wasn’t ready to give up on her. He came to her and cared for her when all hope was gone. She was beyond survival mode. In those dark and desperate places all pretense is stripped away, only rawness is left. The paradox is that this is the place where you meet real Beauty, where you can be truly seen. God saw Hagar and she saw God seeing her, marveling, “You are the God who sees me.” This was not just an observation, but a revelation, naming God, an audacious act for a woman in her nobody-notices-me-or-cares-about-me position. And she added, “I have now seen the One who sees me” (Gen. 16:13).

Being seen and seeing. So intimate. So vulnerable. So healing. So hard.

1. Girls on the Brink by Donna Jackson Nakazawa, also “Teen Girls Are Facing a Mental Health Epidemic. We're Doing Nothing About It” in TIME Magazine.

2. https://drdansiegel.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/POSU-Refrigerator-Sheet.pdf

3. Genesis 16

4. So tragically ironic as Sarai, who was beautiful, had also been objectified by her husband and by Pharaoh who took her into his harem after Abram told her to tell a little white lie and say she was his sister so Pharaoh wouldn’t harm Abram. God saw Sarai, too, and protected her (Genesis 12). Patriarchy is not kind to women, but God is.