Dear Friends,
Over 10 years ago I started on the journey of my 2.0 life by going back to college at age 52. I didn’t even have a bachelor’s degree, and I hadn’t been in school for over 30 years. By the end of 2015 I had a B.S. (no pun intended) in psychology with a minor in biblical counseling, and by spring of 2019 I had a Master of Arts degree in marriage and family therapy. A couple of years later I was licensed and started my private practice.
At the end of this month, I am retiring from my private practice.
When I went back to school, I had no idea how much my life would be changing in little over a decade. I had a sign in my office that read “Change is good. Change is hard.” This is something I would tell my clients, and I am preaching it to myself. So many good and necessary changes have happened over those years. I am glad I am no longer promoting patriarchy and duped by abusers. But some of the changes have been hard.
That’s not why I am retiring.
My practice has been going well. I’ve had opportunities to write, to speak, and even to teach a graduate-level college course on human sexuality. I am grateful for what God has allowed me to do in this career. I just renewed my license–like members of Congress, I have to renew my “term” every two years, though I don’t have to go on the campaign trail, just keep earning continuing education credits. I plan to keep my license, for now.
For a while, though, I have felt God was calling me to make another change. Part of that was a wake-up call last year when my husband had a small stroke. Thankfully, the effects were not devastating, but it was a reminder of the fragility of life and the brevity of our time together. As I’ve had time to mentally slow down after years of chasing those degrees and my license and starting a business, I’ve noticed my body physically slowing down, too, with menopause and with the inevitable effects of aging.
Change is good. Change is hard.
After balking at the thought of “retiring” after all the effort I have put into finally “arriving,” I gently hushed and reassured the parts of me that protested taking a rest from the frantic effort and just being for a while, instead of doing, doing, doing. I realized that this decision (duh) needed prayer, not internal wrestling, so I prayed, for weeks. Old me would have rebelled not only at slowing down, but at “hearing” God1 at all. But I have a great deal more respect for the Holy Spirit than I once did, so I listened expectantly. God doesn’t speak to me audibly, but he does answer me when I ask him for help.
His answer was to retire, not quit. So, I’m not quitting, but I am closing my private practice.
I don’t know yet (or ever, of course!) what the future holds, but I am trying to live more in the present. I was at an online retreat recently where one speaker said, “Regret steals from the past and anxiety steals from the future.” Ouch. I need a lot more practice at living my life in the NOW. So, for now, that is the main goal. I have some ideas of what other things I would like to DO, but I am sitting on those for the summer, praying and listening, knowing God will give me direction when the time is right. But for now, I am resting from doing and working at resting.
At the end of this month, I am closing my practice and practicing something new for me. I wait expectantly for what God will do with this phase of my life.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. (Psalm 16:6, NIV)
I have discovered the marvelous Dallas Willard in recent years, and his book Hearing God is on my list to read soon.