It's Never Too Late
To grow a garden or start a YouTube channel
And now in age I bud again,
After so many deaths I live and write;
I once more smell the dew and rain,
And relish versing: O my onely light,
It cannot be
That I am he
On whom thy tempests fell all night.
~George Herbert, "The Flower," from The Temple (1633)This week is my birthday. I'll be 62.
I know it's a universal experience to marvel as you age, wondering where the time went and feeling internally as if you can't possibly be as old as your mirror and your driver's license tell you. I feel it, too. But there are perks to getting older, at least so far.
I enjoy a sense of deserving some rest, which was not possible for many reasons earlier in my life. I enjoy being able to say things more freely than I once did, though hopefully with much more wisdom. I enjoy "small" things more than in the past as I realize how precious time is and how each day is a gift.
But I still have struggles, too, which is also a universal experience, my sin and brokenness vying for control of my sanctification journey (see Romans 7). I get tired more easily and need to be watchful that old patterns and habits don't overcome my gains in wisdom. Some days it feels like I haven't made any progress at all, but I know that is just a part of my clinging to the old, familiar insecurity. I also know resting on my laurels is a temptation to avoid and that wisdom is a daily gift I must ask for.
I am grateful for second, third, twentieth, millionth chances. God's grace is truly immeasurable. I am grateful for my children, my grandchildren, my husband, my parents, my sister, my friends, my neighbors, my clients, my colleagues, my church. I am grateful for books.
I am also grateful for social media! I am grateful that I can keep learning and growing as long as God gives me life, breath, and a brain that is capable of learning new things.
One of the new things I am trying, something that is hard and uncomfortable, is using social media in a way that blesses others who are on this hard journey of life. I have some PTSD surrounding writing things and publicly sharing them, due to past trauma connected to that, in which I freely shared my hubris with the world and it was sometimes harmful, not helpful, to others. Some of you know me from that and have kindly continued to stick with me, many experiencing some of their own hard epiphanies along the way. But I love writing, using words in a creative way to connect with people and with myself. So I started writing here on Substack. I've had a professional Instagram page for some time, mostly sharing others’ content connected to mental health in my stories, occasionally making my own posts. I'm stretching myself now to make some reels with my own thoughts. And the big stretch has been starting a YouTube channel for my business, with both my own videos and also a playlist of other people's helpful information regarding mental health. The niche I'm beginning to explore is the intersection of mental health and spiritual formation.
My hope is that my example at this stage of life will be an encouragement to others, not putting burdens on them but relieving them of that and pointing them to the One who bears our burdens, whose mercy is wide. I have changed and Lord willing continue to do so, and I am hopeful that you can do the same, growing in grace and wisdom in your embodied, beautiful selves. As my dear friend, Valerie Jacobsen, says, God writes LONG stories. This is good news.
If you are so inclined, would you consider giving me a gift this week of subscribing to my YouTube channel (here’s the link!)? I have so many ideas for things I still want to do, even in my 60s, and this is part of pushing me toward continued growth, hopefully in a way that centers God and helps people struggling with their own brokenness. I am in it with you, and I hope I can be an encouragement to you. You can find links to my other social media outlets on my YouTube page.